In this article I am going to list all the types fo girls that you do not want to date and i will also include the reason why at least i never get the right one.
Girl Type 1. The Golddigger. Now everyone knows what this girl is all about she wants your money. Problem is you can't always spot them right away. Some of these girls are actually really nice to you they pay attention to you, but do not let on that they want your money. some of them have even been known to offer to pay for their own food at dates and things like that. This is for 2 reasons. 1. they know you have money so they know you will not make them pay for their own dinner(at least not if you want a chance in hell at every getting any) and 2. because they want to lull you into a false sense of security. Now you think you know why these girls are bad but you really do not know the half of it. A friend of mine no names, Met this girl. She showed an interest in him when he needed it most. He ended up dating her and she got him doing all the drugs that she loved to do and as a result he lost his business and ditched the bitch.
Moral of the story you won't only lose your money with the wrong girls and the wrong situation you could lose your life. Every cloud may have a silver lining but lightning kills thousands of people every year that go searching for it.
Girl Type 2. The Manic Depressive. Again these girls may not just jump out of the woodwork at you. although if you pay attention the warning signals will slap you across the face. First off these girls can be a ton of fun and if they are on medication for the affliction then you may never know how close you are to being axe murdered. You hear me talk about a waitress who is a psychopath. The girl i was describing there is one of these, another friend of minemet her in a bar on karaoke night she asked him to dance and he said no, she went into the bathroom and tried slashing her wrists. Now sadly my Friend like many guys has a bit of a messiah complex so he felt that he could "help" this girl. WRONG........WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG. If a girl is trying to slash her wrists in the bathroom of a karaoke bar run away run far far away. That should just be a no brainer. Fear: Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at sea.
Girl Type 3. The Janice Type. Anybody who has ever watched the show freinds knows who Janice is. Now i do not mean just girls like Janice. The Janice type is any girl that is compltely iritating and the sound of he voice makes you die iside just a little. This could be from many things, mabye this girl has an annoying laugh, or mabye she snorts, or mabye she does not know how to pronounce something or mabye she is stupid enough that you have to fake an anyeurysm to get out of a date with her because the day after Pierre Trudeau dies she does not know who Pierre Trudeau is. Now you may be asking yourself if the girl is that annoying why would i date her in the first place. its simple. Beauty: If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core.
Girl Type 4. The Internet Tech Suport Chick. This story is very personal to me. My Girlfriend Jess and I were on a Break(it lasted like 3 weeks) And one day I ended up having to call internet Tech support. There was a girl on the other end and in between the computer restarting and the troubleshooting we got the opportunity to chat a bit. Her name was Cynthia. About three days after the conversation, I got a call from Cynthia she wanted to know if i wanted to meet her for coffee sometime. I asked her how she got my number, she played up to my ego and told me that she thought I had sounded so nice on the phone and since I had meantioned the Jessica thing when we talked she knew I was "single" at least for the time being and she figured i wouldn't mind her looking my number up on her work database. I agreed thinking what could the harm be. she actually seemed really cool. She was nice, intelligent, she ended up being pretty attractive as well I figured this could be cool. So we decided to go to the movies later that week.
We went to the mayfair and saw a double bill of Blade and Resident Evil, it was pretty good and afterwardss we went out for a beer. We agreed that we would meet again sometime but becasue of work I was not able to give a specific time.
After that Jess and I resumed our relationship and I thought nothing more of Cynthia. About a month and a half later Jess and i were walking down Rideau Street and we ran into Cynthia, she started right in on Jess "what the fuck are you doing with my boyfriend?" fortunately i had told Jess about Cynthia or this could have been a disaster."Tim is my boyfriend, he only went to the movies and coffe get over it" the chick attacked her and Jess decked her(i have never been so proud of any girl in my life)
About a week later the Cynthia showed up at my apartment begging me tellng me she would forgive me for cheating on her and that we could work things out. I asked her how she had my address cause i had never told her. She said she looked it up in the database at work. I told her to get lost and leave me alone. Two days later she started calling me at work. and dropping in. Eventually I had to get a restraining order put on her. Madness: Madness does not always howl. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "Hey, is there room in your head for one more?
Now as for me there is are 3 reasons I never get the girl that I truly want. 1. I am to shy to tell her how I feel, and am worried that I may get rejected. 2. I already had the girl of my dreams and i fucked it up hardcore(hindsight is always 20/20) and 3. Julian. Yes thats right my "best friend"Julian every time i meet a girl that i am interested in and he is single (becasue we both have the same taste in girls) they end up going for him and not me. Simply because Julian is more charismatic and he's 6'2 with black hair so he has the whole Tall dark and Handsome thing going. Fortunately every time that has happened where the girl went for him it has ended horribly I don't know if thats Karma or just lifes sick joke.
God is a comedian Playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh. Voltaire
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Tim Kelley Porn King..........not really but .. hell just read
My Parents belong to a church that owns a campground not too far outside of Ottawa near Perth. I have been going to that campground for weekends during the summer and every summer since i got adopted for a Function called reunion. Reunion consists of many of the church families getting together for a week long camp in July. Many of the people that belong to the Church are my family so needless to say this story should never have hapened but it did.
It was the summer that i was 20 years old. I had decided to volunteer to DJ the Youth dance this year, now most of my music was in mp3 form on my computer but i did have a few cds so I brought all the cds I had and brought my computer as well. My Uncle Jeff and i had been talking about all the trouble that him and my Uncle Evan used to get into.
Now for the most part thins went pretty well, I had a few games so I let some of the little kids play them if they wanted and thought nothing of it.
Friday morning comes along My Fiance Crystal is supposed to be meeting me at the campgound today and i am very excited I had not seen her all week and it would be nice to see her. It is about 9 am when i wake up and all the youth come running up to me and say that my aunt Bartb has been looking for me all morning. Apparently the dance has been cancelled and its all my fault.
I decide to head to my aunt Barbs trailer right away to see if i can acertain what the hell is going on. She catches me near the Main building on the grounds and there tells me that i am no longer allowed at the campgrounds and that i should pack my things and find a way back home.
I freak and ask her what the hell for why am i being kicked offout of a camp that a) i belong to and b) consists mostly of my family.
This is what happened.
Early that moning after a potluck breakfast that I decided to sleep through, a couple of the kids had gone upstairs in the building to use my computer to play some games like i had told them i could. But i had forgotten that i had a couple of "Questionable Cd's" the main one that cause the stir was a CD with a picture of Carmen Electra Nude on the front. I appologised and told my aunt that I had had no intention of playing that cd I just brought all my cds cause there were so few of them. She told me it didn't matter.
We ended up getting together with my mom and my cousins and came up with a compromise we would go through all my cds and asses which ones could not be played and she would hold onto them i said fie seeing as how i had no intention of playing them anyways. but by that tie the damage had already been done. Ethel Barbs sister had already told all the parents aht i had been showng the kids porn on my computer.
I ran into Jeff just before linch and he looked disgusted at me. I explained to him the actual story and that is when he told me what Ethel had told everyone. He the proceeded to give Ethel the reaming of a lifetime.(side note ethel and i have not spoken since) I was given a public apology. But i was still pissed that my own family had thought that i was capable of something like that.
It was the summer that i was 20 years old. I had decided to volunteer to DJ the Youth dance this year, now most of my music was in mp3 form on my computer but i did have a few cds so I brought all the cds I had and brought my computer as well. My Uncle Jeff and i had been talking about all the trouble that him and my Uncle Evan used to get into.
Now for the most part thins went pretty well, I had a few games so I let some of the little kids play them if they wanted and thought nothing of it.
Friday morning comes along My Fiance Crystal is supposed to be meeting me at the campgound today and i am very excited I had not seen her all week and it would be nice to see her. It is about 9 am when i wake up and all the youth come running up to me and say that my aunt Bartb has been looking for me all morning. Apparently the dance has been cancelled and its all my fault.
I decide to head to my aunt Barbs trailer right away to see if i can acertain what the hell is going on. She catches me near the Main building on the grounds and there tells me that i am no longer allowed at the campgrounds and that i should pack my things and find a way back home.
I freak and ask her what the hell for why am i being kicked offout of a camp that a) i belong to and b) consists mostly of my family.
This is what happened.
Early that moning after a potluck breakfast that I decided to sleep through, a couple of the kids had gone upstairs in the building to use my computer to play some games like i had told them i could. But i had forgotten that i had a couple of "Questionable Cd's" the main one that cause the stir was a CD with a picture of Carmen Electra Nude on the front. I appologised and told my aunt that I had had no intention of playing that cd I just brought all my cds cause there were so few of them. She told me it didn't matter.
We ended up getting together with my mom and my cousins and came up with a compromise we would go through all my cds and asses which ones could not be played and she would hold onto them i said fie seeing as how i had no intention of playing them anyways. but by that tie the damage had already been done. Ethel Barbs sister had already told all the parents aht i had been showng the kids porn on my computer.
I ran into Jeff just before linch and he looked disgusted at me. I explained to him the actual story and that is when he told me what Ethel had told everyone. He the proceeded to give Ethel the reaming of a lifetime.(side note ethel and i have not spoken since) I was given a public apology. But i was still pissed that my own family had thought that i was capable of something like that.
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